32 weeks!

Status: 32 weeks

Just keep growing, just keep growing....

Chugging along...

Status: 31w6d

So I was supposed to have a MW appointment this week, but due to some icy Winter weather I decided to reschedule to next week. I'm a little bummed, but it's ok. 

Today was my first of three scheduled prenatal massages (but my second of this pregnancy). It.was.AMAZING! I went back to see Becca Oakley of Magnolia Pregnancy Resource. I saw her twice at the end of my last pregnancy. It was as good as I remembered. I am a very happy pregnant lady :)

Also, I made s'more brownie pie....

Big.

Status: 31w2d

I feel huge. I AM huge. My husband, who never notices anything, mentioned I look bigger. My chiro mentioned it today, too. I hope it doesn't mean anything, but I guess only time will tell. 

31 weeks

Status: 31 weeks

Here's today's belly shot:

I attempted to measure my belly and got 38cm. I really Hope I'm off, but probably not by a lot. Still so much time to go....

30 weeks and running behind!

Status: 30w4d

I kept forgetting to take the pic!

Gotcha!

Status: 29w6d

I caught him! Ok, not really. What I mean is, I finally heard his heartbeat with my fetoscope! Just as predicted, it was right at 30 weeks. Looking forward to being able to check on my Little Foot whenever I please now... Not sure how he feels about that, though!

My Birth Landscape

Status: 29w4d

Yesterday (since it's after midnight), I came across a post on Facebook from Guina Bixler of Emerge Birth Services looking for a pregnant mom to do a free birth art exercise. No one had replied to the post from the night before, so I jumped at the opportunity. Something I have discovered in the last year, is that I really love art. I love making it. 

So tonight (although technically yesterday), I met up with Guina at her home, and she guided me through creating a landscape of how I see this birth going. She warned me that she would push me to add more, even when I thought I was done. She held to her word. Here is the result:

Afterward, she had me write about what I was thinking and feeling as I did the work...

*******

Ok, so I got to tired last night to finish this, plus typing it all out on a computer is way easier. And mostly, I wanted to share this:

Look familiar? This is the picture that comes to mind when someone asks me to describe my "happy place". I took this picture over 7 years ago, on one of my many visits to the Smoky mountains. I used to drive the 11 mile path through the national park and it was always so peaceful. It was a place rich with stories of the people who had lived there, but also felt open to new ones. 

So back to last night.....

When Guina asked me to draw my birth landscape, the colors and feelings evoked by this picture are what first came to mind. When I first started, I knew I wanted two things - to start in the lower right hand corner, and to start with green, smooth grass. A field. This was early labor. It's easy. Smooth sailing, really. Next, i knew I wanted to put a fence, like this one:

This fence represents my biggest hurdle, which is the moment when I invite my team into my birth space. It's not so much a hurdle for me to bring them in, but for me to know it is the right time. I don't know that that will make sense to a lot of people. It's hard to explain. I'm afraid to bring them in early, and risk having them leave me. It's complicated

Beyond the fence is so much beauty, but I have to get past the fence. I know it's there, I can see it. Mostly flat, with soft rolling hills, leading to a beautiful, pre-dusk sunset. In the distance is a home with smoke coming from the chimney. It is alive, and full of people and love. They are waiting for me. Everyone there wants to give of their energy and time to support me. I can choose to go in, or not. I can choose to go in, and come back out alone for awhile. Either way, it is my choice. 

On the periphery is a dark, thick forest of trees. This is the unknown. It's a little scary. There's a dark bird looming above the trees, watching me. This is the forest of the unplanned. A transfer. Previously, it was casting a shadow over the entire expanse of this landscape. I couldn't help but notice it as I watched friend after friend end their birth in an unplanned place and circumstance. I thought that if I pretended it wouldn't happen to me, than that would guarantee it would. That's horrible. It's never a good idea to deny something can happen, but we also can't continue to hide in the shadows of the looming threat. In my picture, it's to the side, in my periphery, where is should be. I can see it, acknowledge it, and not let it color my "landscape". 

After I got to this point, Guina saw I had paused. She pushed me to do more. I went back and evaluated what I had drawn. Was this really how I felt? For the most part, yes, but the beginning seemed too simple. There was more to it. I realized that my labors are emotionally the opposite of 99% of women. They are terribly challenging in the beginning, and fairly easy at the end. I know how to give birth. I am not afraid of the intensity. I welcome the experience, and hope it won't be too short to enjoy. 24 hours sounds ideal. 

So I went back to the beginning of my picture. I added some tall grass, with weed flowers. That's the end of pregnancy. It's beautiful, but much easier to enjoy looking from the outside. From the inside, you are just trudging along. I want to be more conscious of that, and try to enjoy it for what it is. then I added fog to my previously smooth grass before the fence. To me, this was the biggest "aha" moment. It is very easy to be in early labor, at least physically, but mentally and emotionally it can be very challenging. You can't see where the fence is. You know it's there, but you don't know when you will hit it. You can't see the other side of it. It's difficult to think, or find direction. 

*****

I absolutely LOVED doing this exercise. I feel some kind of high afterward, if that's even a thing. I'm finally excited about this birth, and not nervous. My doula and photographer (both named Kim) have both been equally excited about it, but I just couldn't get there. Well, I am now. The next 2-3 months will go both quickly, and slowly. I intend to try to enjoy every minute of it. Little Foot and I deserve it.<3

29 weeks!

Status: 29w2d

Feeling huge, but not terribly uncomfortable. Sporting quite the bump these days!